On Today’s Episode:

The thought of family gatherings gives the best of anxiety. Navigating close relationships and those once or twice a year holiday encounters doesn’t have to be so intimidating with the right tools.

The key is recognizing that you have disordered boundaries, and the Boundary Boss, Terri Cole, is back with us again to make this super easy to follow. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and female empowerment expert. The steps she lays out for you to take the Resentment Inventory are life changing.

We all tell ourselves lies to avoid the conflict and get around difficult conversations but this doesn’t make our relationships any better, and it leaves us with more stress than being succinct, accurate, and honest about our preferences from the start.

By the time you finish this episode you’ll have the skills and strategies you’ll need to identify your disordered boundaries that need work, and catch the amplified emotions that are stemming from childhood traumas.


0:00 | Introduction to Terri Cole
0:36 | Take A Resentment Inventory
6:40 | Self Blame for Broken Boundaries
13:00 | Learned Boundaries From Childhood
23:19 | Reading Emotional Boundaries
30:48 | Unmet Needs In Relationship
34:43 | Internal Boundaries Are A Must
35:30 | Codependent Relationships
45:47 | Are You Auto-Advising People?
52:22 | Suppressed Anger Boundaries
58:40 | Tips To Express Your Boundaries
1:05:01 | Strategies for Family Gatherings
1:13:50 | Broken Boundaries Have Real Consequences


“When it comes to our boundaries, it’s always an us thing. Because we are the keeper, we are the one who knows…” [5:39]

“At the base, so much of disordered boundaries has to do with people pleasing [7:20]

“It’s about becoming the observer without judgment of yourself and your reactions in real time.” [17:38]

“If you have a deep pain from you don’t actually love, I promise you, you’re most likely having a transference.” [18:06]

“It’s so much easier to go to anger, […] than it is to be vulnerable and say, ‘this is why I’m hurt.’” [28:43]

“Anger feels empowering, where sorrow does not.” [29:24]

“Being a boundary boss means keeping your word to yourself.” [34:56]

“At its core, codependency is and overt or covert bid to control other people’s outcomes.” [36:33]

“Resentment is anger. If you’re feeling resentment, most likely something happened that initially you felt angry about.” [56:26]

“Silence is a lie. You are abandoning yourself and not saying what is on your mind.” [58:29]

“Your job is to be as unprovokable as possible.” [1:06:22]

“Not all boundaries are non-negotiable, some things are just preferences.” [1:16:11]

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